If You Give a Mom a Muffin

Motivate - To provide with an incentive; move to action; impel

The first time I was motivated to do something was about seven years ago. It was the first time I heard the term "Muffin Top". I was positive I knew what a muffin top was but I never could have imagined what it truly would come to represent. Over the past few years our pants had been made to sit lower and lower on our hips(I still wish they would have stopped at the first lower, I'm getting really tired of seeing ass crack). As the waist of our pants traveled further south our stomach was pushed further forward, creating a muffin top effect. Seven years ago these were still little puffs on the side of my body but "oh horror" there was now a name for them. At first the name sounded cute; muffin tops, muffin tops, muffin tops, muffin tops. Now it makes me want to run for the hills......okay walk to the hills. I don't run for anything! That summer a long, long time ago, this now vulgar term motivated me to do something drastic. I bought a dangley belly button ring! Surely, if my belly button ring dangled my stomach would have to stay flat. I'm pretty sure you can imagine how well that idea worked for me.

The following year I had what I call the Aruba motivation. My husband's company was sending the top performers off to Aruba for a five day, all expenses paid vacation to the beautiful, sunny island of Aruba. There was no way I was going to go to Aruba not wearing a bikini. I also definitely didn't want to be the wife with the largest muffin top. Bring on Weight Watchers! Lucky for me, my husbands generous company had recently had a wellness trailer come in to check their employees blood pressure, cholesterol and hand out some Weight Watchers paraphernalia. I read that tiny WW pamphlet cover to cover, threw the point sliders in my pocket book, created a weekly points spreadsheet and started my unofficial Weight Watchers month long escapade. For a month I held myself to 12 points. To this day I'm not sure that was my correct allotment, but I was sure I could do this with out joining, or paying one red cent to WW. I also remember reading about bonus points in my WW bible. If I remember correctly I could have 32 bonus points a week, but not me! To hell with the bonus points, I had a month until Aruba and a cute little bikini hanging in my closet. This is my official apology to my husband and son. I am so sorry I was a miserable, hungry, possessed bitch, but it worked! Fifteen minutes on the treadmill every day for 32 days, barely any food and I hit 115 pounds and wore my bikini with pride. I looked awesome! Needless to say, I came back home, never thought of weight watchers again and it has unfortunately been the last time I have ever seen 115 pounds.

Enough for today, now where the hell did I put that booklet and slider!